wide and bright and warm
by Insomiak
Summary: Nitori looks tired and it's nothing to Rin.


Notes:  
Based off a prompt on tumblr (I'll put it at the end), but I changed it just a little.

**Warnings/Triggers**:  
Technically underaged but they don't have sex. Someone almost drowns.

These two are my favourite so I hope you guys like thisヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ

* * *

_wide and bright and warm_

* * *

There's something about the way Nitori swims. His hands cut the water with passion equal to his heart, direct, deliberate, dedicated. There's something – how his skin meets the water and the water rolls off his skin, down muscles pulled taunt and lax without contemplating it as he throws himself into the movement. He glides through the pool just like he does everything else, with intent far beyond any honesty Rin has ever known, can ever hope to know. Nitori swims with purpose, with one focus, with the idea that he has to be good enough. He swims just as strongly as he loves those around him. He swims like he's always trying to do better.

There's something about it that Rin likes, something wide and bright and warm.

So, when Nitori slips into the pool at Samezuka that Friday night and pushes off the wall into a front-swim and everything about it is weak, feeble — Rin notices.

It's not something he worries about. He just notices, and thinks, well, maybe Nitori's tired, maybe he's been studying later than he should be, maybe something had happened with his parents… Rin just notices and it's not something he worries about. Not at that moment, because everyone gets tired sometimes.

"You're down three seconds, Nitori!" The Captain calls from the other end, the deep end, of the pool.

Nitori sets an arm over the deck, panting, eyes downcast at the water. He'd only swum fifty meters, _why the hell is he out of breath_? His arms are built to match his lean fit body, his legs follow with shaped calves and thundering strength he fools himself into thinks he doesn't have but that Rin can see plainly in the way Nitori carries himself and the way he swims. The way he is not swimming tonight.

It's not something Rin worries about. It's not. He just _notices_. It's not something he lets occupy his mind as he falls asleep above him later. It's not anything at all to him.

* * *

Samezuka Swim Team Shopping Trips are mandatory to stay on the team, some bond-building bullshit that Rin growls at when the Captain brings it up with his flashy cheeky grin. It only takes a not-so-subtle _you told me you would work on your personal relationships _from Seijuro for Rin to get into the van Saturday morning – but not without a sulky frown. Nitori laughs at him a little after he'd asked _Are you okay, Senpai?_ and Rin had replied that shopping is for girls, what the hell is wrong with everyone?

The rest of his team had shouted, "Don't be so narrow minded Matsuoka!"

Like they would fucking know anything.

They're at the five-floored mall a few minutes later. Seijuro is off trying on swimsuits with the other guys – had shuffled away with a mad grin and a weird look between them – leaving Rin with Nitori, who, of course, loves shopping for clothes.

_—_ for _Rin_.

"What do you think about this one, Senpai?" He says with his usual smile, holding up a thin light green sweatshirt with a yellow hood. "It brings out your eyes," he continues, pressing it to Rin's chest. Looks up at him with patient expectance, with blue eyes and that beauty-mark.

Rin scowls, but only at the sweater. "It's too bright."

"Oh." Nitori hangs it up, bites his lip as he searches the rack with the same purposeful fervency he has about everything, and pulls out a black tshirt. He flips it around to show Rin the back. There's a silhouetted shark drawn like a tattoo, intricate lines and wild curves. "What about this? I think it really suits you're… um…" He fumbles with his words and it takes Rin's gaze away from the shirt, focusing on Nitori's lips without any consent from his brain to do so. "I think it really suits you." He tilts his face and his grey hair slides with gravity, brushing softly along his forehead. One ear sticks out of his swept hair and his collar bone shifts with the movement, tendons pulling with athletic muscles, ones that lead down a tight toned body…

_Fuck_.

Rin looks back at the shirt. Studies it. Eventually he shakes his head, unsure of why but, "Something's missing."

Nitori blinks at the shirt, obviously also unsure of what Rin could mean. He puts it back, and starts riffling through the clothes again. His long fingers twist and curl around different fabrics, feeling them because Nitori finds something calming about it. It's nothing to Rin, what he finds comforting. The bags are still under his eyes. They have been since two nights ago at the pool, and it means nothing to Rin that Nitori is trying to comfort himself by touching fabric, trying to calm the stress that's inside him over a reason he hasn't told Rin about when he always always always tells Rin everything.

It's nothing to him at all what Nitori will or wont tell him.

Looking away, he catches something blue in his peripheral vision. He moves without thinking about it, moves towards it with the unconscious realization that there's a colour that brings out Nitori's eyes and that he's found it, perfectly, sitting quietly and waiting for him. Rin pulls out the sky blue sweater. It's thick, warm for after practice and for winter in their room, and as he pulls it all the way towards him he notices the outline of the hood is done up like a shark's mouth with a row teeth; black eyes across the top. It's something so incredibly ridiculously cute that it _has_ to be for Nitori.

"Oi," he says, holding out the sweater without looking at him because he'll do that thing where his whole face lights up and he smiles with his whole fucking body, "Try this on, if you want…"

He hears Nitori's delighted intake of breath, a nearly frantic feathery gasp, before he speaks. "Really Senpai? You've never – Okay! I'll go try it on right away!"

He runs off to the changing booths. Rin walks slowly after him, his patient steps a lie. If Nitori's going to the booths, that means he's going to change into one of the swimsuits or those tiny fucking short-shorts he buys for hot summer days in their dorm.

Nitori comes out a few minutes later. He's got dark blue (_royal blue_, Rin's mind suggests helpfully) swimming shorts on, not the short-shorts Rin had been expecting, and the sweater. Rin drags his eyes up and down him and can't help the way his heart thrills suddenly in his chest at the sight. Protected by rows of sharp teeth, and his long legs mostly bare. Rin swallows, throat dry.

_Stop thinking stupid shit,_ he berates himself.

"Well? Do you like it?" He asks, folding his arms and watching Nitori's face.

Nitori's lips start to tug up in a smile, and he puts a hand on the frame of the booth. "Do _you_?" He steps down, his smile almost complete, looking right at Rin –

and then he slips, something gives in his knees and Nitori is collapsing and crashing to the floor in a heap, happiness and awareness obliterated from his face by the onset of unconsciousness. He falls, and Rin doesn't make it in time to catch him, but the sweater with the shark teeth gets torn at the sleeve as it scrapes against the lock of the door – would've cut Nitori's skin if he hadn't been wearing it – and oh no, oh no – _no_ –

But it doesn't last long. It doesn't really last at all. Rin hasn't even said anything, has hardly moved before Nitori is standing again, a bit wobbly. "Oops, I tore it… " He pouts, looking at the ripped sleeve.

"What was _that_?" Rin snaps, folding his arms, trying to overcome the thudding of his heart.

Nitori smiles and the bags under his eyes scream silently at Rin. "I just tripped. Sorry, Senpai. I guess I'm a bit clumsy after all."

He doesn't say anything, wont push it. Nitori always told him everything and if he's keeping something from Rin now… after all they've been through…

It doesn't mean anything to him.

He buys the sweater for Nitori. He'll sew the sleeve and give it to him for his birthday, or maybe just leave it on his bed.

* * *

A few days later, Rin walks into their room and finds Nitori passed out across the desk they share. His face is smooshed into a text book, hands set beside his cheeks and touching them faintly. It would be fine normally, but it's barely three in the afternoon on a Sunday and those bags have been under his eyes for a week now. Nitori is usually so full of energy, and seeing the opposite in him in as incongruous and ill-fitting as the idea of him being neutral – which Rin has _never_ seen. Nitori has an (insightful) opinion about everything.

"What's going on with you?" He mumbles to himself, looking at Nitori's back. A hand is reaching out to brush away grey locks behind an ear before Rin notices, and he reels away as if bitten; feels fear flood him. Shaking himself unrattled he pulls the shark-sweater from Nitori's bed and drapes his across his shoulders. Nitori sighs and nestles into the desk. Rin rubs at his own neck, heat rising inside him largely out of his control. He'd given him the sweater yesterday, after sewing a patch of a small bird over the tear. (His sister had suggested a pilot fish and Rin had suggested she go drown herself and she'd asked _why are you so shy_ and he'd said _you're just as bad_ and she'd asked _what do you mean_ and then he'd shut up because he'd promised the Captain not to interfere ("She can make her own fucking decisions, you don't have to ask me permission!")). Nitori had been happy about it for sure, but still he'd looked so tired, had smiled weakly and thanked him casually, as if it didn't mean anything for Rin to buy him a present out of nowhere.

What if it _doesn't_ mean anything? What if…

Rin clenches his fists and leaves the room.

When he comes back in, it's ten-thirty and Nitori is sleeping in his bed, sweater hanging over the desk chair. Rin pretends he doesn't give a shit, that he hadn't been hoping for Nitori to wear it to bed, and climbs into his own bunk.

_At least he's sleeping_. Whatever's going on, whatever it is that is digging bags under his eyes like trenches, whatever he wont tell Rin _—_ _At least he's sleeping._

He climbs into his own bunk, eyes the sweater, gets back up, feels so fucking ridiculous he could explode standing there stock-still — and then stomps over and snatches the sweater and hugs it to his face and breathes in the most comforting grounding sweet scent he knows rocking back on his heels and then he falls back into his bed with it, tries to beat away his anxiety with it, holding onto everything he has attached to Nitori. The familiarity of living together, his lithe body, his patience, his persistence, his relentless and honest affection and wonders _why, why the hell does it never go anywhere? Why are we always at the same place and now he's somewhere else and wont tell me anything when he always told me everything why, why did it never go anywhere?_

Rin falls asleep eventually.

He's jerked awake what feels like seconds later by a loud _Ow!_. His eyes open onto a pair of legs streaming down from the top bunk – Nitori had lost his footing, and is holding on with only his arms as his feet hang loose. He must've slipped. Rin stays quiet.

Nitori steps down the ladder and pauses, probably looking at Rin but Rin keeps his eyes shut. There's the sound of rustling, clothes or a bag maybe, and then Nitori is slipping out of the room.

Rin's eyes snap open.

Where is he going this time of night? Is this why he's been so tired? Is he sneaking off every night? Why? What the hell is he up to? Is he going to_visit_ someone? At night? In their room?!

Who? Are they hurting him? Are they _forcing_ him? No one is allowed to force Nitori to do anything he doesn't want to do, especially when it comes to that. Rin will rip their fucking head off. And what kind of lover keeps him up all night every night?! That's not — Rin wouldn't do that! He might have a hard time putting his thoughts and feelings into words, might not be perfect, but he'd never take advantage of Nitori's good nature! Just who the hell _is_ this asshole?!

But instead of being angry, Rin just feels… helpless. He can't really feel betrayed because they'd never been anything other than friends. And it's none of his business. It's not anything to him...

He's about to go back to sleep when his eyes land or something. Or rather, the lack of something. Across from the bed he can see his swimming bag on the floor where it always is, slumped against the wall — and an empty space beside it where Nitori always keeps his.

Rin's eyes widen as he connects it in his mind.

No.

No _way_.

Nitori isn't up at night meeting with a secret lover —

— he's swimming laps! Practicing alone like a fucking idiot! And he's exhausted from it! What the hell is wrong with him? Is he insane?!

Rin throws himself up and starts running, bare feet padding on the tiled floor. He is going to drag Aiichirou out of that fucking water and scream at him until one of them starts crying because how _how_ can he not know how stupid it is to swim alone at night when you're already completely spent because you've been doing it for at least a week god fucking knows how long this has been going on Rin is going to yank him out of that pool and throttle him (metaphorically) fucking stupid first year punk who the hell does he think he is how can he be this _stupid_

When Rin storms through the double doors his eyes lock onto the pool, onto Nitori. He's just stopped swimming, clutching the side. His cheeks are red, black bags under his eyes drooping, dragging down his usually bright face and he's panting hard, rasping like there's water in his lungs.

The sound is pathetic, tired.

His arms shaking, having not noticed Rin yet, Nitori tries to lift his body out of the pool. Rin doesn't move to drag him out then, instead waits and takes a few breaths to calm down. He hates it when he yells at Nitori, and even though it would be understandable in this situation, it still doesn't make it right. So he breathes in, out, waits to be noticed.

But then Nitori slips.

The muscles of his arms give out like rotten wood of a table that can't hold anything anymore, and he crumbles down into the dark water. A surprised gasp echoes out through the wide room before he's swallowed by the pool and then nothing. Silence.

Rin's heart stops.

His feet are hitting the hard floor quicker than he's ever moved in his life and he forgets everything he ever knew about how to safely save a drowning person and dives in head-first, out of his fucking mind with the thought that Nitori might be unconscious and inhaling water or might be in shock or might be dead from exhaustion because Rin was too proud to ask why the hell he's been so tired too scared of why Nitori wasn't just telling him and now he's drowning and it's all Rin's fault – if he dies, if he dies, what if he — _he can't he can't he can't — _

Rin surges to the bottom of the pool (sunk he'd sunk so he _is_ breathing in water) and comes up behind Nitori. He places one hand over his mouth and nose, tilting his head down and then pushing off the bottom of the pool, spooning him from behind and hardly aware of the clothes he's wearing or the sting of chlorine in his open eyes. He shifts onto his back once they break the surface, laying Nitori's back over his stomach and crosses an arm over his chest, pulling with the other until he can reach the side. Then he sets both of Nitori's arms on deck, tilts his head forward so he wont choke on his tongue, and, still holding his arms to keep him above the water, slips out of the pool. Next, mind racing, forgetting who he's trying to save so he _can_ do it, Rin flips Nitori's body around so his back is set against the wall of the pool, grabs the opposite wrists with his hands in an X shape, squats down with Nitori between his knees, and pulls.

He walks backwards, dragging him until Nitori's entire body is clear of the pool, and sets him down on his back, slowly.

Rin kneels over Nitori, pushing his ear into his chest to catch the subdued _thud. thud. thud. _of his heart. He puts his check to Nitori's nose, waits – nothing. He's not breathing. Rin tilts his head back, checks that his airway isn't blocked, and breathes two long breathes into him, tears welling up in his eyes as his mind catches up as to who he's trying to save, who it is who isn't breathing under him. He forces two more breathes in, panic rising, building quickly behind his eyes as Nitori doesn't breathe, as his lips start to get colder under Rin's.

_ he can't he can't he can't_

He forces breath after breath after breath and wonders _should I leave to go call someone should I keep going what do I do_ _oh god oh fucking hell what do I _**_do_**?

Just as Rin is leaning down to cover his mouth again, Nitori heaves inward. He sucks air back in a thick gulp. It's wet, strained, and shallow. Then nothing.

Rin latches onto his shoulders, tight. "Don't fuck around! _Wake up_!" He grips harder, trying to shock him into consciousness, voice breaking as he shakes him roughly. There's no response, no reaction, nothing except the dead silence of the pool. "Ai! _Ai_!" His whole body starts to go numb with fear. "Wake up," He presses a hand on Nitori's stomach as he talks. "_Please_."

It's moving. The skin under his palm, his stomach, up and down. He's breathing. _He's breathing!_ Rin fumbles and grabs Nitori's face and forces another breath into his mouth, three more and –

There's a small cough. It turns into a hacking sound, and Nitori curls in on himself suddenly, body springing to life. He moves onto his side, coughing out the water in his lungs. It takes a moment and then he's rolling back over, eyes fluttering open.

Surprised and bewildered, he looks up at Rin.

"Senpai?" He shrinks into the floor, palms pressing into it. Sheepish, dazed. "Wh-What are _you_ doing here?"

"What am _I_ doing here?" Rage and fear and relief gather inside him and Rin bares his teeth and digs into the ground on either side of Nitori, growling and leaning into him. "_What the hell is wrong with you_!? Do you have a fucking death wish I don't know about?!"

Nitori shakes his head franticly, but Rin can tell he's still not all there, still clouded from lack of oxygen. "No, no! Senpai, I was just…"

"Just what?!" He sets a hand on Nitori's cheek and lets his thumb brush his lips to feel the warmth come back to them. To feel him alive, here. Then Rin slides one arm under his back and the other under his knees and lifts Nitori, hugging him into his chest and carrying him out into the hallway.

"Sen-Senpai… What…?" His eyes are falling closed and open, listless.

Rin carries them back to their dorm, soaked clothes leaving a trail of water but he really doesn't care. He sets Nitori on the bottom bunk and throws him a towel and a shirt and pants of Rin's to change into (doesn't feel right going through his things); goes to the other end of the room to change himself. When Nitori is dry and in new clothes, too-big shirt hanging loosely off his frame, Rin pulls him out of the now-wet bed and barks at him to go up to the top bunk.

"No! It's okay, Senpai. I don't want you to sleep where it's wet."

Rin snaps at him to get up the ladder.

"But..."

"Go."

"Senpai I can't let you sleep like that, not when it's my fault!"

Rin watches Nitori wobble and grabs his shoulders to steady him. Jagged teeth grinding and red eyes glaring he says, "I'm going _with_ you."

"Oh, oh, um." He goes solid, rigid, Rin can feel it under his hands. He walks him towards the ladder, staying directly behind Nitori, ready to catch him, anger still buzzing in his chest.

He waits on the ladder until Nitori is lying down with the covers pulled back, with the long sleeves of Rin's shirt pulled over his hands, with this dazed expression on his face like this might be a dream.

"It's not," Rin says out loud.

He climbs into bed beside Nitori.

"Senpai?" His voice is so quiet that he sounds scared, which Rin thinks is half-way to freaking hilarious because if anyone's scared right now…

He sets the back of his hand against Nitori's, whose blue eyes can't get any wider. "What were you _thinking_?"

Nitori stiffens and shakes a little, mouth contorting to try and say everything buzzing in his mind, to try and explain himself. Rin looks at him, but Nitori's eyes are staring at where their hands are touching. "I'm still not very fast so I thought that, if I practiced more… maybe…"

"You wont be fast at all if you're fucking _dead_."

"I – I – " He curls his knees into his chest, knocking Rin lightly in the stomach as he does so. He keeps his gaze at the back of Rin's hand pressed into the palm of his; not holding, only resting there. "I'm sorry Senpai! I just don't want to be a burden! I couldn't think of anything else to do, I wasn't improving with regular practice and you want to go to the Olympics and you always work so hard and you're really _amazing_, and I want to be someone who can stand beside you – I want… " Nitori slams his eyes shut and buries his face in the shirt he's wearing, just to the bottom of his eyes.

Rin pulls it down from Nitori's face slowly, watching it slip off his nose. His cheeks are bright red. _If I hadn't been there… all the nights I wasn't there… _ He moves his hand away from Nitori's and puts both arms around his waist, pulling him in; Nitori squeaks in surprise, but he lets himself get drawn in, his arms stuck awkwardly between their chests.

Nitori is freezing against him, shivering in his arms and Rin remembers his lips turing white and his lifeless body and digs his fingers into Nitori's back as his whole world becomes blue eyes and silver hair and that beauty-mark and his pink mouth and every night since he's met him and wondering _why does it never go anywhere?_

Rin sets his forehead against Nitori's. _I want it to go somewhere_.

"Ni… " He shuts his eyes, feeling indignation swell inside of him, never good at this sort of thing. He opens them again, looking directly at him as he says, "Ai." Rin holds him tighter, like he might disappear into the bottom of the pool again. He watches Nitori watching his mouth as he talks, whispering low between their close faces. "You're always – you're already…" He growls because this can't be this hard, this has to be possible. Rin wants it to be something to him, to Aiichirou.

"Senpai?"

Thinking _fuck it_ because words have been failing him his whole life, Rin threads a hand through silver hair and waits two seconds so if he wants to, Aiichirou can push him away. And when he doesn't – when he's just lying there waiting with his usual patient anticipation – Rin tugs lightly at his head and moves forward and kisses his warm lips, only once, softly.

Aiichirou gasps against his mouth, hands pressing into Rin's stomach and pupils blown full until his eyes are nearly black, heart beating so hard Rin can feel it wherever they're pressed together.

It doesn't go on long. Rin is pushed away quickly.

"What – what – what was – " Aiichirou holds him off with one out-stretched hand. He looks caught between cardiac arrest and bliss, like he's not sure what his reaction _should_ be, like he's about to jump off a cliff and he's only half certain he can fly. "Senpai, you. You you you — " He touches Rin's lips with one finger. Then, slowly, blooming like a field full of flowers a huge grin spreads across his face.

Nitori moves his hand from pushing Rin away to holding the one Rin still has in his hair, pressing it into his head like he needs to feel it to believe it. He makes a ridiculous happy sound, one that reaches all the way to Rin's toes. "You kissed me!" He pulls Rin's hand from his hair to his cheek and cuddles into it and smiles, smiles, smiles delirious with fucking _euphoria_ because 'happiness' isn't enough to describe him, not ever. "Rin-senpai kissed me!"

Rin's cheeks go red. "Y-Yeah."

Aiichirou blinks and then his face is red too, suddenly. "Senpai kissed me," he says as if he's realizing it again, only this time it's embarrassing. His cheeks flare brighter and his eyes go sort of vacant like he can't accept the reality around him. "No way…"

Rin doesn't trust his mouth to get anything _else_ right so he kisses Aiichirou again. Gets lost for a moment in the sound he makes this time, a small moan in the back of his throat, like he's just as taken by the feel of it as Rin is. When he pulls back his eyes are shut.

Before he loses his nerve, Rin opens his mouth, talking quietly into silver hair as he shifts his body up a little. "There's no…" He can't think of the right word exactly, "… _difference_ between us. Even though I swim faster, even if you were the slowest swimmer in the world." Rin takes the hand Aiichirou had placed over his, weaving their fingers together between them. "That has nothing to do with this."

"This?"

"Us. Together." Rin feels his face grow hotter. His sister is right, he really _is_ shy. "If you, if that's what you want."

Aiichirou searches his eyes for something Rin hopes to hell he finds. "What do _you_ want?"

"Don't wear yourself out like this again."

"I..." His voice goes quiet but earnest, "I just want to be good enough for you, even as a friend."

Rin holds his hand tighter, wishing he could be Makoto just for five fucking seconds so he could put his words together right. Instead all he can do is repeat himself. "_That has nothing to do with this_. You don't need to be good at swimming or fucking _anything_ for this."

"But…" He presses his free hand into Rin stomach. "Sometimes it feels like if I can't keep up with you in the water, I'll get left behind."

Rin shifts down to look at his eyes, wondering if he's not still out out if. "I kissed you because I wanted to and even if you quit swimming tomorrow I would still want to."

"Rin-senpai…"

_You're strong in a way I could never be_. He can't make himself say it, not yet. But at least they're going somewhere.

He slams his eyes shut, untangling their hands. "Go to sleep. I'm still pissed off at you."

Aiichirou tucks himself between two strong arms, and leans up to kiss Rin's lips, humming contently as he presses in. "I'm really sorry," he says against his mouth.

"Don't do it again."

"Am I allowed to kiss you whenever I want to, Senpai?"

Rin cracks an eye open. "You're sleeping all day tomorrow, and then we can talk. Alright?"

Ai smiles at him.

And just like the way he swims, it's wide and bright and warm.

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* * *

(/ω＼) they're so cute I can't

* * *

The prompt:  
keepcalmstayneutral:  
"Someone write a fic about Nitori nearly keeling over with fatigue because he forced himself to swim/train in hopes he'd improve and Rin would eventually notice him. Unfortunately, it isn't until Rin finds Nitori sneaking out of their dorm in the dead of night and witnesses him training until he's so tired that he can't pull himself all the way out of the pool."

(ps. I dislike ffnet okay I can't format anything the way I want it wtf)


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